It is my experience that the source of all problems and suffering is when we deny our Selves for the sake of others. We celebrate selflessness and decry selfishness but these terms need to be re-examined. Isn’t there negative selflessness and positive selfishness?
These are very important questions; How can we fill another’s cup if our own is empty? How can we fit another’s oxygen mask before we have fitted our own?
We are born pure with our own inner voice/intuition. But our conditioning instils in us other voices - the voices of our parents/society/protocols etc. Eventually many of us will not be able to discern our own voice and the voice of ‘others’. Our inner world becomes confused, like a fog, and we ‘don’t know what to think’ anymore. Combining this with a speeded up society, where doing more is worn like a badge of honour, most of us become completely disconnected from our inner voice. It is still there trying to be heard but we wouldn’t know how to recognise it.
A big clue is the body
Your true Self tries to get your attention via the body - butterflies in the stomach (anxiety), creepy skin (mistrust), lightness (joy), rising flush in the face and constriction (anger), heart beating (fear). There are all sorts of physical signs that guide us what to do but it can be easy to ignore them in favour of what society thinks is ‘right.’ We may never have been told these sensations hold an important message. Over time ignoring them can lead to chronic disease. (Read ‘When the Body Says No’ by Gabor Mate.)
You’ll be breaking the habit of a lifetime
To come home to our Selves, which is what yoga aims to help us do, we can start by slowing down. This gives us a chance to listen, to distinguish the ‘I shoulds' from the ‘I needs’. Who should come first, you or others? This is when you need to decide how important you are to your Self because many of us are conditioned from a young age that putting others’ first is the ‘right’ thing to do. But what will happen to your kids if you don’t put your oxygen own mask on first?
It might be messy
It is my experience that when we listen, really listen, to what our inner voice is asking, we hear things we do not expect or finally hear things we have been ignoring for a long time. Our inner voice always has our best interests at heart. Self-care is a popular buzz word and sounds like massages and healthy food. But putting your Self first is often not pretty. The status quo needs to be interrupted, and those losing out will protest. From the outside it may appear negative when you put your Self first but it will never feel negative. This is why it is so important to stay connected to how you feel, really feel, every day. We slow down, we feel more, we feel better. We feel our decisions, we feel what needs to be done, and the mind can take a break. Life becomes easier.
This week, at least once for each activity:
slow down when you shower
slow when you eat
slow down when you leave the house
slow down when you exercise
slow down when you speak
Next:
What happens to your body when you slow down?
What happens to your experience of those activities?
Can you hear your Self?
Can you feel what you need to do in your life to honour your Self?
Recommendation: read ‘The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.